What The Hell
by StormTheVeela
Summary: Remus one night has a dream, but he's convinced it happened. Sirius is confused... What did he do? And why is he wondering about one of his best friend's lips?
1. Prologue

**A/N & Disclaimer: So sad that I wish to own something I will never have. Unless you count the books, now sitting happily upon my bookshelf. Also… um… well. This is awkward. Oh, I ship weird pairings. Not that you wanted to know that. I'm counting this disclaimer for every chapter.**

**Warning: Slash, and a bit of lingo.**

**A whole bit in italics is meant to be in third person, whereas the normal writing is Sirius' POV.**

**Credit to SkyeElf, who reads through it for me and checks for mistakes.**

**Prologue.**

Love is a powerful thing – or so dear old Dumbles believes. Fact is… how do we know it to be true? So that is why I, Sirius Orion Black, will now ultimately prove that love either does or does not exist. Why would I do this, you ask? Well, why on earth _not_? How? Well, I've actually already proven it – but I shall not divulge my secret now. Oh no, everything can be told in a flashback…

_The two boys stood on the top of the Astronomy Tower. Thousands of stars looked down at the couple, winking down at them in a friendly manner._

"_You are so naughty." The one said, nearing the other one. The brown haired one glanced up._

"_I was taught by you." He said cheekily. The taller one laughed. It was more a bark of a laugh, and it made his dark hair tremor around his face._

"_Of course, Remus. You were taught by me." The barker said cockily._

"_I cannot believe you came." Remus whispered, now painstakingly close to his friend._

"_Was there ever any doubt?" Sirius whispered, lacing his fingers through Remus'._

"_A little, I admit." Remus said sadly. "I didn't think you were… you know…"_

"_I'd always known you'd liked me." The Black son replied. "It was a bit hard not to miss."_

"_What did I do?" Remus asked worriedly._

"_You fed me your chocolate, you gave me a flower… I'm still wondering about that, you know?" Remus chuckled nervously. "You scooped breakfast out for me in the mornings… and for James, I know, but you always gave me an extra piece of bacon… and crept into my bed at night when you thought I was asleep…"_

"_Wait… so you weren't asleep?"_

"_Yes, Captain Missing-the-Obvious."_

"_Isn't the correct phrase Captain Obvious?"_

_Sirius sighed dramatically. "No, Moony, not from where I'm standing."_

_Remus shot a questioning look at him._

"_Moony, I always held you." He said softly._

"_I thought it was coincidence."_

"_Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"_

"_Of course…"_

"_Then act like it, you dolt!"_

_Remus cocked his head and raised an eyebrow._

"_Act smart? Sirius, have you seen where we are? Two sixth years out of bed after hours…"_

"_And one's a prefect… Boy, Moony, you _are _daft!"_

"_I was just about to say the same." Remus glared at Sirius._

"_Oh, and don't give me that look! You can't do it with a Sirius face."_

_Remus tried to glare for another few minutes, but failed at Sirius' pun. "It's' not even funny!" _

_Sirius pretended to be hurt. "I'm not funny? Me? The Padfoot? I'm hurt, Moony."_

"_As was I when you called me daft." Remus reprimanded him. Sirius groaned dramatically._

"_Fine! You're undaft! Happy?"_

"_Almost." Remus winked. _

"_And now take it back!" Sirius demanded._

"_Take what back?"_

"_I'm not funny." Sirius grumbled._

"_Okay, you, Padfoot, are not unfunny."_

_Sirius scowled._

"_Stop using my techniques!"_

"_Stop tempting me!" Remus countered._

"_Tempting you with _what?_"_

"_Those lips of yours." Remus looked at his friends' lips. Perfect… pink… kissable. "Can I test them?"_

"_Remus, you have absolutely no tact" Sirius chastised him. "You don't ask someone if you can kiss them! You just do it! Like this!"_

_Sirius pulled Remus closed and crashed his lips down onto his friends'. They stayed that way for a while. No movement, just lips against lips. Forming perfectly to the other's. Eyes closed in the temporary bliss as the magical feeling of the other overwhelmed them._

_Remus was the first to pull away._

"_Wow!"_

_He opened his eyes and stared up at Sirius._

_Sirius winked wickedly… His hands moved around Remus' waist and drew him in. They just stood there, a couple staring at the night sky…_

_Remus sat up in bed. His whole body wet with sweat._

_He'd kill Sirius tomorrow! He had the knack to put someone to sleep after a thing like that._

**Please review.**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: From here on we move to Sirius' POV.**

**Chapter 1: What the hell?**

It was a rather nice day at Hogwarts. A few clouds spotted the sky, the sun wasn't too hot – it was still hot, though – and it was Friday. Lessons were done, and it meant we would be off for two days! Two whole days! The professors had given us our assignments early in the week, and, at Moony's insistence, mine were now done. So I strutted to the lake, like only a Black son could, and I made myself comfortable by the lake. Hoping for no one to disturb me – I wanted to take a nap, you see. At first I stared at the few clouds, hoping to find my animagus form there (of course I didn't), after a few minutes I closed my eyes, happily awaiting the nap.

But no. I heard his steps. Light, but deliberate steps. The sole of the shoe was a little loose – I could hear it flap slightly.

"Padfoot?"

I inwardly groaned.

"Not now, Moony." I retorted shortly, refusing my eyes to open. I heard a sigh and the earth crunched next to my ear.

"I'm not leaving until we talk about it." Moony said deliberately. I opened my eyes. He was sitting next to my head; it explained the earthy crunch from only a few seconds ago.

"Moony?" I asked carefully. I fear my friend's lost it.

"You know what I'm talking about." He said shortly. I sat up lazily.

"What are you on about, my dear friend?" I asked, making to feel his temperature. He swatted my hand away. What had I done?

"You… you kissed me!" He whispered, refusing to meet my eyes. _Now _I was sure he'd lost it.

"I'm sorry?"

"You kiss me and bloody _apologize?_" His voice sounded hoarse.

"No, Moony, it wasn't an apology, it was more like a 'huh?'"

"You know exactly what happened!"

"I do not! Where did this take place?" I demanded.

"You _don't remember?_" He almost shrieked. "The Astronomy Tower! Last night!"

Oh… it must've been another Sirius.

"Remus, I wasn't up there last night." I said. "Nor were you… we were doing our Potions Essay for Slughorn… Don't you remember?"

"We did it on Wednesday, you moron, last night we were on the Astronomy Tower."

"I was where with who now? Remus, if I kissed you last night, I think I would remember." Indeed I would. Those pink, thin lips had been teasing me for quite a while now.

"Sirius! Don't act like nothing happened!"

"Nothing _did_ happen!" I insisted. "We were in the Common Room with James and Peter – if you don't believe me, go ask them yourselves!" I stood up furiously. "Furthermore, I do not appreciate you interrupting my nap. Even if it was because I allegedly kissed you. I wouldn't appreciate it even if I'd made you pregnant!"

Even if it was completely impossible.

"Sirius, do not walk away from me!" He yelled, grabbing my arm.

"Well… if you want to kiss me so much, then go ahead!" I shouted at him, actually meaning the words. "See if it was the man from your entirely obvious dream!"

Remus considered it for a while, and I glared at him. Putting as much venom as I had into the look.

"You, Remus, need to realize the difference between dreams and reality." I said it in the cold tone my father had always used with me.

"Sirius?" Remus asked carefully.

"I advise you to reevaluate." I swung around, my bag at my side. What the hell just happened?

"All you do is mess around, Sirius!" Remus yelled at my back. "All you do, is have fun! How can you not remember it?" I turned around slowly.

"I don't know, Remus, perhaps it was just a dream?" I rolled my eyes. "You are supposed to be the smart one! I don't even know what you're talking about!"

Remus was suddenly in front of me.

"Don't you dare!" Remus spat. "If you don't want to be with me, just say so."

"So." I said. Remus looked up at me. Was that _tears _in his eyes?

"Why are you crying?" I asked, my cold tone of voice suddenly gone.

"I'm not crying!" he wiped his eyes hurriedly. "It's just the wind."

"Yeah, right." I snorted. "Come on, will you stop it?"

"Stop what?"

"Your insistence at our kiss. Remus, I promise you, you and I were in the Common Room with three others, after that we went to bed. I don't know where you came up with this silly idea."

"Silly, is it?" His voice was cold. "Absurd? Dramatic, am I?"

"Why do you keep asking weird questions?" I asked judiciously. He glared at me again – man, he had a scary glare! I could swear I'd seen a glint of red in there.

"Why do you keep denying what happened?"

"Because nothing _did _happen."

"Please, Sirius, don't do this to me!" His eyes were filled with those odd tears again. Since when did Moony cry?

"What am I doing?" I asked, completely thrown off guard by this side of him.

"You… you're… oh, just forget it!" Remus swung around and stormed off.

"What did I do?" I whined, knowing full well I was talking to myself.

I shook my head and went back to my spot. But this time my much-wanted nap didn't come.

I'd been attracted to Moony for quite a while now, but I never thought I'd act on it. Had I just acted on it? What was that he said about me kissing him? I hadn't kissed him. I knew for a fact I'd been in the Common Room until late last night… could it be possible?

_No, _I definitely would have known if I'd kissed my one best friend. My one very alluring best friend… not even James knew of my silly crush. James knew about my sexual preferences, but of Moony he was ignorant. I was privately thankful for this, I could just imagine his face, and the taunting would never stop. Don't get me wrong, he's a great friend and all, but sometimes, like now, I just wanted to be left alone.

_Crunch… crunch… crunch…_

Was I never going to get a nap? I sat up before she reached me.

"What?" I shot at her.

"Um…"

"How very literate of you." I considered her for a moment. It was easy to see why James liked her so much.

"Thanks a lot, Sirius." She glowered at him. "James is looking for you."

"And he sent you? Can' do his own dirty work?"

"Don't speak about him like that!" She defended him almost immediately.

"Good." I stood up. "You hurt him, Lily, and I'll… well, you know… Snivelly…"

"Sirius, you wouldn't dare!"

"Wouldn't I?" I raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to remain behind alone or shall I escort you to your room?"

She huffed at me. "You're so full of it, Sirius!"

"I know." I said. "My ego is big and the monster needs feeding. So, Evans, tell me how sexy I am."

**A/N: Please review and tell me if I should go on with this. I promise to update if I get 5 reviews. That excludes you, Lee.**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, I am only continuing this fic because I got six reviews. Thank you TechNomaNcer28, muentiger and cutegixie.**

**This is for TechNomaNcer28.**

**Credit goes to SkyeElf, who's still providing the ideas and whose pretty little eyes flit over the pc and check me for mistakes. No worries, all mistakes are mine, though.**

**Chapter 2: Why the hell did you just do that?**

Evans glared at me, but I could see the corners of her mouth just beginning to turn up.

"Siriusly, Lily," I said, "what did I do?"

"I don't know, do I?" She shot back at me. "All I know, is that Remus is so upset, that he didn't even go to bed last night."

"You're kidding me?"

"You know full well I do not kid, Sirius."

"Did he say anything?" I asked, hoping my expression didn't show my internal turmoil.

"Just that you are a git. So, what. Did. You. Do?"

"I don't know, all right?" I said. "I mean, yesterday he accused me of kissing him – but I did no such thing!"

Lily glared at me.

"Gosh, Sirius, you have no idea!" She slapped me across the head. "Look, you were a prat to him after he told you about it – can't you see it?"

"No, Lily, I cannot see it." I had no idea what I was supposed to see.

"Remus is in love with you! It's so painstakingly obvious!"

I snorted, knowing she was yanking my wand. We were in the Transfiguration Courtyard, she'd pulled me away from my breakfast – making me severely grumpy.

"Sirius?" She reached out and attempted to touch my arm. I shook it out of her grip.

"I'm hungry." I growled.

"Please, Sirius, just go talk to him? Let him down easy, I'm guessing you did a horrible job yesterday."

"I don't know what he was talking about, Lily! He said I forgot kissing him, and, and…"

"And?" Lily asked, her eyes widening in mock surprise.

I glared at her again. "And I don't see how it is your business, really."

"I'm just trying to help, Sirius!"

"Well, Evans, it's not needed. Look, I'll go talk to him and see what the hell's going on, all right? But I don't promise anything."

"It's all I ask, he's moping in the bathroom last time I heard. And how the hell did you _not _notice he was missing? He sleeps in your dorm, after all!"

"Honestly, Lily? I didn't sleep in the dorm either." I said. "I slept in the Whomping Willow – or beneath it. No one noticed."

"Why on earth did you sleep there?"

"Well, why on earth not?" I asked, shoving a hand through my mass of hair. She pulled my arm back irritably.

"Sirius, what is wrong with you?"

"Besides me being insane, you mean?" I asked her. She narrowed her eyes.

"Why is everything such a joke to you?" She demanded.

"Is anything a joke to you? Face it, Evans, I'm hopeless."

"That you definitely are."

"Evans," I sighed, "I enjoy nature. Filch never catches me and as far as I know, Dumbledore doesn't mind. So there."

"Are you kidding me? Of course Dumbledore minds!"

"Have you spoken to him about it?"

"No, but…"

"Please can we leave Dumbledore's wrinkly butt out of this?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Black?"

I jumped around at the voice. Please no… Gosh, it was Dumbledore! I'm doomed!

"Well, that was rather unexpected." He said coolly. "Actually, Mr. Black, I was merely wondering where you were last night?"

"Um… " I flushed scarlet. "I, um… slept outside."

"Oh, well, no harm done, dear boy, but I must ask you to sleep inside the castle. I'm sure your parents wouldn't be grateful if you were found with hypothermia one morning."

"I don't think my parents would care, sir, seeing as I don't live with them anymore."

"I was referring to Mr. Potter's parents actually, Mr. Black."

"Oh. Yes, sir, I'm sorry."

Dumbledore's beard twitched into a smile.

"Nothing bad happened, and for that I am thankful. But I must insist you be careful. Lord Voldemort is out there – and he is powerful."

"I know, sir. I wasn't thinking."

"The day he thinks, we need to evacuate the castle, sir." Lily piped up. I glared at her.

"Indeed." Dumbledore looked highly amused for some reason. "As we were. My backside is not at all weathered, Mr. Black."

With that Dumbledore strode off. Leaving me flustered.

"You deserved that, Sirius." Lily laughed. I scowled at her, picked up my bag and walked away from her purposefully.

She would see me in Potions again; the first class of the day, but that would have to be dealt with then. I gave up on my hopes to eat and headed to the dungeons.

I wondered what had become of the world – I was going to be early for class. That was something that never happened. Ever. At all.

I forgot that Moony also liked showing up early for class – otherwise I would've gone to the library, or even go to the girls' bathroom. But it was too late. I rounded the corner, and there he was. Sitting on the floor, a book open next to him, parchment being supported on his knees and a quill working furiously across the page.

"Morning." I greeted coolly. He glanced up.

"Hi, Padfoot. Be with you in a sec."

He scribbled a few more lines before finishing with a flourish of his quill. He closed the book, fastened the lid on the inkbottle and stood up.

"Sleep well?" I asked. He grinned.

"No. You?"

"I slept outside."

"Where the dogs should." He said. It hurt. I mean, I probably deserved it, but it was still no excuse.

"Remember that." I said curtly and turned my back to him. "What I wanted to say, actually, Moony, was that I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

I turned back to him. His face was close to mine again.

"What?"

"You're a git, it's in your nature. It can't be helped." Remus shrugged. "You're the one struggling with his sexuality, not me."

"_Excuse me?" _I scoffed. "Me? Worried about my sexuality? I know exactly what I am, Remus! I am not the one living in some fantasy world where my best friend, or supposedly best friend, kissed me, am I?"

"You're going to keep denying it, aren't you?"

"It. Didn't. Happen!"

"You're so childish, Sirius. Why can't you act your age?"

What? ? ?

"Oh, yeah, of course. I'm not the one with the overactive imagination, am I? What the hell?"

"I can prove you did kiss me."

"Oh, yeah?"

Remus came even closer.

"Oh, yeah."

He pressed his lips against mine.

His lips were soft… at first I didn't know how to respond. What was I supposed to do? Kiss him back? Shove him away?

Hormones answered, and I felt my arms encircle his waist.

Remus' arms went around my neck and he pressed his body into mine. He bit my lower lip – kinky devil – and forced his tongue into my mouth. He moved it about my mouth, exploring… and he pulled back, a frown on his face.

"Proof? Remus… that was the first time I ever felt that way." I extracted my arms and gently took his arms from my neck. "Face it, Moony, we never kissed on top of the Astronomy Tower."

Remus glanced up at me, tears in his eyes again.

"Fine, then! You win!" He yelled at me. "Go play with your dolls again!"

I reached out to him. "Remus, you don't understand…"

He slapped my hand away.

"I understand perfectly!"

Lily was wrong. He wasn't in love with me. He just cared about proving he was right, and I was wrong. No deeper feelings than friendship resided there.

"Yes, so do I." I said in my father's tone. "All you care about is proving your right."

"That's not true!"

"Of course it is. Why else would you blame me for kissing you? You're overactive imagination made you see it! And me? I'm too stupid to be right? Even if it was for just once, argue?"

"Yes! I do argue! I don't care about being right! I just care about…"

Remus' sentence was cut off as Peter came sauntering around the corner.

"You'll never say it in front of other people, will you?" I whispered to him. I had no idea what he'd wanted to say, but I could bluff. "Nice." My tone implied him being a hypocrite. In my eyes, being a hypocrite was almost as bad as murdering someone, and he knew it. His eyes flashed to me.

"You don't understand…"

"Of course I don't. I'm a complete moron." I said disdainfully. "See ya." I grabbed my bag and swung it over my shoulder.

"Sirius, where are you going?" Remus called after me.

"Returning to the place dogs like I belong."

_The two had been peering around the corner._

"_Told you." The redhead chided her boyfriend._

"_Oh, rub it in, will you?"_

"_Of course I will." She smiled toothily at him. "Now… we need to do the same with Padfoot."_

"_Are you kidding me? Did you not see what just happened?"_

"_Which is exactly why we should do it again." Lily said. James frowned at her._

"_What?"_

"_We should steal Moony's bacon." She said thoughtfully, eyeing the piece of raw bacon their friend was munching on. "It's unhealthy."_

"_Please." James snorted. "I highly doubt that. He's a… well, he's got a furry little problem, is what he has."_

"_Are you two talking about Remus' pet rabbit again? What did he do this time?" Alice asked, rounding the corridor. Lily and James looked at each other and burst out laughing._


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know, right? I'm in the midst of exams, and I'm updating? What was I thinking?**

**Thanks to muentiger, Claire-whitmore, TechNomaNcer28 and Siriushpluvr. **

**Dedicated to cutegixie.**

**Sorry, notoriously short chapter headed your way.**

**Chapter 3: If this is hell, what's heaven like?**

_They were standing in the middle of the forest. A clearing had been their meeting place, thousands of winking starts above them. There was a lone figure on a rock, he was waiting for his friend. Hopefully his soon-to-be lover._

_Another figure entered the clearing,_

"_You came." The first figure said, leaping of the rock._

"_Was there ever any doubt?"_

"_What is with us, Moony? We keep fighting over everything."_

"_I believe it's because we both won't accept our feelings."_

"_But I have accepted my feelings!" Sirius argued. "That's the only reason for me being such a prat!"_

"_Really, Sirius?" Remus asked. "Isn't it in your nature?"_

"_Please ,Moony. " Sirius begged. "I didn't mean it."_

"_You didn't mean what?"_

"_What I'd said!"_

"_What did you say?"_

"_That I don't want to be with you! Believe me, Moony, I do want to be with you! More than anything!"_

"_Then why didn't you say so?"_

"_I didn't think you'd take me!"_

"_Why on earth wouldn't I take you?"_

"_Because you aren't gay."_

"_I'm gay for you."_

"_That was sappy, Moony. Unforgivable."_

"_I apologize, love."_

"_Why do you love me, Moony?"_

"_Why in the name of Merlin wouldn't I love you?"_

"_Moony…" Sirius moaned._

"_All right, all right, I'll answer. The fact is, I love you because you're you. Cocky, arrogant…" Sirius was about to take offense. "… but you're also incredibly loyal. Especially to your friends. You're sweet, when you aren't busy chewing my head off. I love your wicked smile and your bark of a laugh. And when you kiss me…"_

"_Magic becomes personified?" Sirius guessed._

"_You took the words right out of my mouth."_

"_I'd like to take something else from your mouth." Sirius smiled mischievously. Remus grinned at him and reached for his hands._

"_Rob me, sir Robin."_

_Sirius pulled Remus closer and kissed him. At first they were motionless, seeming a part of the scenery of the forest. The moon shone behind them, not full, but half, but completing the picture. Making it a scene that would be forever engraved into a mind._

_Remus' hands traveled from Sirius' hands up to his chest. He clung to the fabric of Sirius' shirt. Sirius pulled him closer in an embrace. Sirius was the one to deepen the kiss. He bit down on Remus' bottom lip, causing the werewolf to gasp. Sirius took his chance and stuck his tongue into his friend's mouth. Remus melted against him, and possibly into him._

"_I love snogging you." Sirius said when he pulled back._

"_Oh, but you have other ideas on your mind, don't you?"_

"_Of course." Sirius winked._

"_I could do without the shirt." Remus tugged at Sirius' shirt. Sirius lowered his arms, attempting to keep Remus at bay. "Oh, come on, it's not as if I've never seen you without it."_

"_It's different now."_

"_How is it different?"_

"_In the sense that I might shag you if you insist on taking off my shirt…"_

_Sirius sat up. What the hell just happened?_


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm on a roll, I know. **

**Chapter 4: Get the hell out of my bed!**

It was a rainy day – and I loved it. Rain meeting the earth, dirt splashing up in response, the smell of mud and fog in the air… a dog would love it. I wasn't even completely awake yet and I knew it. There was something warm on my bed. _No… it was _in _my bed. _I opened my eyes and yelped.

Remus was cuddled up to me.

"Morning Sirius." Remus said sleepily. Then his eyes widened. "Sirius? What are you doing in my bed?"

"Um…. Remus, you're in my bed."

He looked around. "Oh… I guess I had a nightmare again." He made to get up, but I drew him back, hugging him to my chest.

"Nope. I think we'll talk it out, Moony. Otherwise we'd be awkward forever, and, well, after that nice dream I had, I prefer to have you near."

"What are you on about, Padfoot?"

"I had a very nice dream, all right?"

"Oh yeah, about what?" Moony joked.

"You. You see, I was waiting for you in the forest. And you came."

"Oh yeah, what then?"

"We talked."

"About?"

"Why you love me."

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that. Guess what I found out." Moony's eyebrows were raised – he didn't look impressed at all.

"Enlighten me."

"Our two friends are the ones that set us up."

"Elaborate?"

"Well, I overheard Lily and Prongs talking. They were the ones that planned all of it. Our fights, and our dreams – and, well, this." Moony motioned to our very awkward position on my bed. Okay, it wasn't awkward at all – it was rather nice, but I wanted to make certain Moony felt the same way about me as I did about him before revealing that to him.

"Why did they do it?" I asked, curious.

"Because I confided in Lily."

"What exactly did you confide to her?"

"That I'm in love with you."

"Oh, so you are, are you?"

"Yes, and you never even suspected."

"Go on with your tale, Moony."

"Right… well, James told Lily you were gay – and she knew immediately that you liked me."

"So…?"

"So they had the idea of getting us together. Starting with my dream. Making it seem too real – so we'd fight over it."

"And, knowing me, I'd blow my cap and say something awful to you."

"Yeah… after that, Lily talked to you. Making you feel guilty and forcing you to apologize to me."

"And, knowing you, you'd want to find out the facts, not true?"

"Entirely. The moment I kissed you, I figured out that it had been a dream."

"And I was a prat again – sorry." I looked at him sheepishly. He laughed and snuggled up to me.

"All is forgiven." He pressed a kiss to my collarbone.

"How did you know about all of this, though?" I asked, not seeing how he could have known.

"The day I kissed you they were standing around the corner, having an attempt at a hushed discussion. Well, it was quite obviously not hushed. They said they're going to do the same to you than they did to me…"

"And you, my Moony, being a friggin' genius, figured it out almost instantly?"

"Actually, no. It was Severus that came to the conclusion."

"_Snape?_" I said the name with disdain. It was no secret that I disliked Snivellus.

"Calm yourself – you know we study together. We always have."

"Yeah, smart kids bonding thing." I said, teasing him.

"Yes, well. Smart kids bonding thing aside, I believe it is time for us to get revenge."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes. And I know that Severus would like to help with that."

"Moony, he'll try to get Lily away from Prongs…"

"He volunteered to help me get revenge, that's all. He has absolutely no intent of taking Lily away from James – he knows it's a lost cause."

"So… what's our revenge?"

"You and I, we fight even more than ever. And somewhere along the line we make them think you went off with Snape. Not only fully embarrassing Lily, but angering Prongs."

"How would that work?"

"He'd feel his best friend was being stolen."

"Oh." I nodded. "Wait a second… you do love me, right?" I asked, tightening my grip around his waist. Remus smiled at me and wiggled slightly in my grip, he kissed my nose.

"Yes, Padfoot, I love you."

"Good." I relaxed. "Seeing as it would have been incredibly embarrassing if I was the only one enjoying our current situation.'

"I could do without the shirt though." Remus said, shooting my nightshirt a look of utter hatred.

"That's what you said in the dream too. Now… hush up and tell me how sexy I am."

"My, what an ego!"

"As I once said – my ego is huge and the monster needs feeding. It's your duty, as my boyfriend, to make sure the beast doesn't shrink."

"And me?"

"Oh, no, you are a sex-god, Moony."

"Odd, considering we haven't overstepped that line yet."

"Oh, well, you're my sexy beast – and I wouldn't trade you for the world."

"Even with all my scars?" He asked me in a small voice. I tightened my grip again and drew him closer.

"Especially with all of your scars." I said, drawing him down for a kiss. It felt just like the first time.

"So, how do we go about this plan?" I asked later.

"Well, we let them find us, making them think we had reconciliation. And then we wake up and start shouting at each other. I accuse you of seducing me, you accuse me of bestiality – you get the idea."

"Indeed I do." This was going to be fun. "Speaking of, here they come."

I heard their footsteps approaching g us. James loud and hard ones, and Lily's careful, dainty ones.

The hangings were drawn apart.

"Ah-hah!" James announced, as if he'd caught Voldemort wanking. I opened my eyes slightly.

"Sod off, Prongs!" I said, attempting to pull my pillow over my head. When I couldn't get it to budge, I looked appropriately confused. "What the… Moony?"

Remus lifted his head and looked at me.

"Morning." He said in the same sleepy tone as earlier. He widened his eyes. "Holy… did we…? Sirius, what did you do?" He demanded, jumping off my bed and pointing his finger at me. I crawled out of my bed, as if disgusted.

"What the hell was in that pumpkin juice, Sirius?" He demanded. "Did you… drug me?"

"Ew! No! Why would I do that! It was all you! You have a thing for me, and now you did it to me in your werewolf… ew!" I jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

_James and Lily looked at one another. What the hell? How could their plan have backfired?_


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, I duly apologize for forgetting to thank my reviewers of the previous chapter. I'm so glad you all liked it, and I hope this goes off well. I am finished with my math exams now, now just for those pesky subjects that never fail to bore me beyond… well, beyond anything else.**

**Thanks to HermioneGrangerisME (X2), TechNomaNcer28 (X2), mahefa, Zenda and Anna Skyfox.**

**Chapter 5: What the bloody hell happened to my best friend?**

"You're a bloody moron, Remus!" I yelled, unsure of how to handle the fight. It was much later that day, around lunchtime, and Moony and I have been bickering the whole day.

"That's rich, coming from the king of fools."

"I'd rather be the world's biggest fool than utterly blinded by false affections."

"My, Black, what a large vocabulary you have." Moony said, looking in mock awe at me.

"Yes, Lupin, I have the ability to do more than grunt and point. What do you think I am? A Slytherin?"

The few Slytherins in the background threw glares at me, but even that couldn't get me off my temporary high.

"Nice, Black, insult your brother. How low can you possibly go?"

"Want me to go lower? Stand on bended knee to service you?" I mocked him. We were standing outside the Great Hall, flinging insults back and forth. There was a small crowd gathered around us by now.

"Oh, you're being childish, Black!"

"Perhaps. Rather foolish than believe in a non-existent love confession!"

"You pain me with your utter stupidity."

"And you pain me overall."

"What's going on here?" McGonagall forced her way through the crowd.

"Nothing, ma'am." Remus and I answered simultaneously. McGonagall narrowed her eyes at us.

"I know better than to trust the two of you. My office. Right now."

I shot one last glare at Moony before following her, keeping my nose in the air – as only a spoilt Black son could. Remus scowled behind me as he brought up the rear.

"Bloody sexy bastard." He scowled. "You speaking friggin' high English made me so friggin' want you." I looked back at him, and he glowered at me. "What are you looking at, Black?"

"Into my office; and quiet down." McGonagall commanded. I slumped in, but Remus kept perfect posture.

"Suck up." I sneered at him.

"Shut it, Black."

"Quiet down, the both of you. Now what is this all about?"

"Getting revenge." Remus answered immediately. "You see, ma'am, our friends have horrible betrayed us."

"And we feel making them sweat for a week or so are only justified."

"Thus you two are only pretending to argue?"

"Exactly."

"Please explain the situation to me."

"Um…" I said awkwardly. "Ma'am, I'm not sure you want to know."

"Yes, I second Sirius." Remus said, his face scarlet – it looked so adorable!

"Don't tell me…" She closed her eyes for a while – I think she was trying to rinse her mind of mental images we'd just created.

"Ma'am, feel free to relax, we haven't done anything." Remus said, rolling his eyes. Wait, did he just roll his eyes at a teacher?

"Yet." I added in a whisper. Remus heard me and looked mischievously at me.

"Well… if all is fine…" For the first time ever, I think, McGonagall had a lack of words.

"Yes, well, it is. We're just…"

"Being silly." I finished for him. He smiled at me.

"Of course. You may… go." It amused me how she had to gulp first before dismissing us. I stood up from the chair and opened the door. I peeked outside – the hall was deserted. Perfect. I pulled Moony out of her office and pushed him into the nearest broom closet.

"Really, Padfoot? You couldn't think of a more romantic setting?"

I ignored him and went straight for his lips. His pink, thin, oh so soft lips… He kissed me back energetically, his hands tugging at my shirt. I pulled back and gently took his hands away.

"For _that _I have a more romantic setting." I said, kissing him again. "We wouldn't want to remember only a quick thing in a closet, would we?"

He sighed dramatically. "Where have the days gone where I'm the reasonable one and you can't control yourself?"

"Role reversal, Moony – just like women driving bikes nowadays."

"You're so sexist, Sirius."

"And you're so sexy."

"Do not try and distract me!"

"I was just stating a well-known fact." I said portentously. There was a knock on the closet-door.

"It might interest you two that Potter and Lily are headed here. You might want to commence your plan." It was Snivelly. I groaned.

"Don't fuss, Sirius, we can always finish this later." Remus whispered into my ear. I grinded myself against him before pulling away. I thought I heard a soft moan escape him.

"Hurry!"

I opened the closet door quickly, hitting something. Or _someone_.

"Nice, Black, it's good to see you too." Snivelly spat at me. I snorted and held out a hand to help him up. He stared at my hand, as though it might bite him.

Remus stumbled out of the closet next, just in time for James and Lily to round the corner.

"I suggest you take my hand now or James will never believe us to be… friendly." I couldn't think of another word. Snape growled at me and shoved his hand in mine. I pulled him up and did my best to smile at him. "Well, Sniv… Snape, how about that game?"

Snape frowned at me. "What game?"

"You promised me a game of Quidditch, you moron."

"Oh, yes, forget about me." Moony said scathingly as Lily and James reached us.

"That's what I intend to do." I said cheerily, throwing my arm around Snape's shoulders (and trying not to throw up). "Shall we go Sni… Severus?"

Why on earth did I ever agree to this?

"Of course." Snape drawled, eyeing my arm with great distrust.

"Padfoot?" James and Lily had reached us. Both of them eyed Snape. James with utter loathing, and Lily with distaste. Her former best friend was now intruding on her picture of perfectism.

"Hey, Prongs." I smirked. "Evans."

"Black." She nodded to me, but refused to acknowledge Snape.

"If you'll excuse me." I said, bowing my head to the two of them, shooting a nasty look at Moony and turning around, making sure Snape was with me.

"Black, if you do not remove your arm from my person immediately, I swear I will…"

"What? Tell me, Snape, you'll do what exactly? Curse my toes off?"

"No, but I _will _announce your boyfriend's secret to the world."

I was immediately on guard. "You wouldn't dare, Snape, considering James saved your life…"

"This is all to get my own small piece of revenge on Potter, Black." He sneered at me. He twisted out from under my arm and held it away from him as if it was a piece of rotten fruit. He had a surprisingly vice-like grip.

"Look, Black, we walk together and act like friends, but I still loathe you and your three little friends."

"I though you and Moony were all right?"

"We are, I was referring to your stench being the third friend."

"Oh, would you sod off, Snape?"

"I would, but that would put the plan to an early end. And with that, I want you guys to leave me out of the explanation completely when the time arises."

"Then they'll think you and I are actually friends." I pointed out. He grimaced for a few seconds.

"Be that as it may, my revenge on Potter will then last quite a long time."

"Oh…" I had no idea what to say to that.

"As we were, you are not getting me on a broomstick."

"But they're following us."

"We'll go for a walk and appear to be old friends."

"Really, Snape? I doubt you and I will ever be friends."

"As do I." He said, shaking his greasy hair.

"Then what is the meaning of this façade?"

"We get revenge. You for Lily and Potter doing… whatever, and me for Potter simply existing."

"Cruel irony, isn't it?"

I was referring to the words Prongs spoke a year ago.

"Who knew you could pull literary devices out?"

"I'm no idiot, Snape, as you seem to think I am. Quite the contrary, I received all my OWLS."

"That is actually hard to believe." Was that disbelief I detected in his tone?

"But it's not as if my parents cared." I said as we rounded a corner.

"I heard of your running away. I envy you, Black."

"Pardon?" I asked, sticking my pinkie in my ear.

"I'm not saying it again."

"Well, this isn't odd at all, then."

"Now you're using sarcasm? Goodness, is there not a surprise left in this world?"

"Snape, if that was your attempt at a joke, you need lessons."

"The same can be said as to your sarcasm."

"Well, I expect arrogance is more a thing for a pureblood like me."

"And ignorance for a half-blood like me?"

"You catch on quickly."

He stopped mid-step to glare at me. "You have no idea what goes on in my life, Black."

"I'd say I have a pretty good idea, considering I'm so to say inducted into the Order of the Phoenix, whereas you -" I reached for his arm and pulled back the sleeve of his robes, "have made your own decision."

He snatched his arm back and quickly covered the Dark Mark with his robes. Before I knew it I was pinned against the wall with a wand at my throat.

"If you dare tell anyone…"

"You'll curse my toes off, I get it. Now let it go, or Moony will bite you. And I mean that quite literally, look." I jolted my head to one side, where Moony was growling at him. James and Lily had come to a standstill also, confusion at the order of the day. "Look at the scoreboard. Sirius 1, Snape 0."

He let go off me. "Why did I say yes to this?"

"Because I am a sexy beast and you couldn't stay away from me?"

Snape stared at me for a while before bursting out in laughter. I couldn't believe it, Snape was laughing.

"Yes, Black, exactly that reason."

Snape and I exchanged more casualties, but it was actually just more bickering that followed.

"Hi, Padfoot." Moony whispered later that night. I snuck into his four-poster bed. James was still not back, and he was probably having a full on snogging session with Lily. Not that I minded. I grinned a doggy grin at Moony and snuck up to his chest.

"Well, this sure is a change." He commented. I growled playfully and climbed under the covers. He was wearing just a skimpy pair of boxers. My hand glided up his leg… wait, was that _my _boxers?

"Moony, you cheeky blighter!"

His face became a dashing shade of scarlet. Not only at having been found out, but also at being, ahem, discovered with a long problem. Or was it a hard problem? I retracted my hand carefully and rolled us around, so now he was on top of me.

"This is better."

He didn't reply, but settled for attacking my lips quite savagely.

"When?" He asked, his hot lips against mine.

"Soon." I promised, allowing my hand to drift down again and clasp him firmly. He groaned into my neck.

"This isn't helping things."

"Perhaps not." I shrugged.

"_What do you reckon went wrong, Lily?" James asked her. _

"_I don't know. Maybe Sirius wasn't into Remus as much as I thought."_

"_I think he's not gay at all."_

"_Seriously, James? Have you seen how the guy fusses over his hair?"_

"_So? I fuss too!"_

"_Yes, but not as much as he does."_

"_And Remus?"_

"_He hides it pretty well." She shrugged._

"_And what was up with Snape and Sirius today? Hanging out like their old friends?"_

"_Don't ask me, Prongslet." She replied grumpily._

"_Do not get touchy with me, Evans!"_

_Lily snatched her quill from the table and stood up. "Evans, am I?"_

"_Yes! Just because you said your friendship was done did not make it my fault!"_

"_Oh no? It was you that made him hang upside down!"_

"_Yes, I did, but you forgot, Evans, that I never liked him. I did like you. And I did make him call you that?"_

"_No, but…"_

"_Face it, Evans, you're not over him." James stood up and stomped to the stairs. "Call me when you've grown up."_

**A/N: Hey everyone, SkyeElf here. Storm and I are lucky enough to have the same subjects at school, so our exams take place on the same days. Bad news is that all failure to update should be blamed on me. I am a bit paranoid about studying, and I'm starting five days ahead – which is something I rarely do. Wish us luck with our Finals! Only six more to go!**

**Storm here, thanks to all reviewers/alerters/favoriters.**


	7. Chapter 6

_**For muentiger.**_

**Chapter 6: How the hell did I lose my best friend?**

It worked. Prongs was confused. Lily somewhat insulted.

"Morning, Black." Snape came up to the Gryffindor table. James shot him the ugliest of glares.

"Calm down, Prongs." I growled at him. Lily just went on to ignore him.

"Hi, Snape."

"Will you indulge me in a walk?"

"Do I have to?" I moaned, knowing it would infuriate James to have Snape here longer.

"Yes." Snape snapped. Ooh, alliteration. At that moment Moony entered the Great Hall. Looking as bad-ass as ever. A cocky grin lined his face, until he saw me. For a second he paused, uncertain, then he stepped forward, avoiding my eyes – making sure our two friends would notice it.

"Morning Lily, James, Severus." He greeted everyone once reaching the table.

"Hi."

"Morning."

"Toenail clipping." He nodded at me.

"Morning, Remus. Sleep well?" I asked. He glowered at me and went on duly helping himself to breakfast.

"Black?"

"Fine, I'm coming." I said, annoyed. I held out a hand to Snape – clearly sending the message that he should help me up.

"You cannot be serious?" He asked, eyeing my hand. I grinned, he didn't realize the pun.

"Of course I am."

Snape looked at me, not registering my joke.

"I'm Serious Black." I explained. Snape looked at me for a whole minute, fighting a laugh – I could tell. He just reached forward and took my hand, helping me up.

We walked out of the Great Hall, side by side, hands, thankfully, not touching.

"That pun was unintended." Snape said.

"Oh, I know." I grinned. "But it was there, no matter."

"Did you see how Potter looked at me?"

"Yeah. I reckon he's mighty jealous of our newfound friendship."

"I thought you updated it to lovers since you held out your hand."

I stopped. Was he joking or being serious?

"I doubt you'd want to be known as my lover, Snape." I said, gathering my bearings and continuing to walk.

"Oh, but maybe it's just that push we need to make them blow their caps."

"Are you serious?" I asked, my mouth hanging open.

"No… you are?" He said, a tad confused. That time I actually did laugh.

"That was an intended pun." He smirked.

"You know, Snivelly, if you weren't aligned with Voldy already, I reckon you'd make a fine Order member."

He glared at me, going in instant from niceguy to Snarly-guy-who-hates-my-guts.

"You don't know _anything _Black!"

"I know enough." I said, taking a step forward. "And you aren't as high-and-mighty as you claim to be."

His eyes flitted to the hall of the Great Hall – Lily and James just exited. They spotted us and quickly hid themselves.

"Oh, great, now I look like I'm in a relationship with you." I said, groaning.

"Get used to it." He said, pinching my nose. I suppressed the urge to both throw up and hurtle him into next year.

"Sirius?" James had plucked up the courage and made his way over.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing with… him…?" He threw his head in the air slightly, looking down at Snape.

"We're so obviously chatting." Snape sneered (alliteration again), putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Get your hands off him!" James warned, his eyes clouding over.

"Now, Potter, tell me why I would want to do that?" Snape teased – he sure had determination. "You were trying to set him up with Remus, thus we decided to make it public."

"Public?" James and I said it at the same time. Snape was going to do it without my consent!

"Yes, Black, public." He smirked again.

"And what, pray tell, are you going to make public?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Snape sneered, drawing me away from James. James' mouth fell open. What the bloody hell was that all about?

"Ew, Snape, no… just…" I pushed him away, feeling the vomit in the back of my throat.

"Admit it. It's a good idea. Both you and Remus can go missing for hours on end, and they would assume that you are with me, while Remus is sulking."

"That makes Remus sound pathetic."

"Do you know how long I was sulking after Lily told me to sod off?"

I considered his question. "A long while?"

"Black, I'm still sulking."

I appraised him. He seemed so different than he usually did. Yes, he sneered and snapped, but he didn't curse me, or at me… He didn't seem like such a git anymore.

"You really love her." I realized, not even trying to catch him out. Snape shot a small smile at me.

"But Potter makes her happy." He said, sighing. "And I wouldn't take her happiness."

"You're so different than I imagined." I said, coming to a stop again.

"Yes, well, never judge a book by his cover."

"I shall try." I promised, falling into step beside him again. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"I've already talked about it, the proposition of it seeming like we're going out."  
>"Why you?"<p>

"It's a way to ensure Lily's safety from that oaf."

"Excuse me, Snape, but that oaf happens to be my best friend!" I said, slapping him over the head.

"Well, be that as it may, I am not going to pretend to like him."

"I didn't ask you to, all I'm asking is you do not insult him or any of my other friends in my presence."

"All right, I agree. But in turn you must agree not to taunt me about my allegiance."

"I can't not taunt you, Snape. It's in my blood!"

"Actually, there are hormones in your blood right now."

"That too, but I'm talking about my taunting."

"If I have to make sacrifices, so do you."

"Gosh, we sound like an old couple."

"It's a good thing."

"No, it's not." I snapped, glaring at him.

"What's not a good thing?" Remus popped out of nowhere.

"Me and him acting like an old couple." I said, jabbing my thumb at Snape.

"Actually…"

"Oh, you two already discussed it, did you?"

"My, you think fast."

"So I have to pretend to date Snape?" I asked, outraged.

"Yes." The two of them answered in unison.

Was it worth it? I pulled Remus closer. I looked around to see if anyone was following us – no. I pressed a kiss to his lips, ad waited patiently for him to deepen it,

"Please? Not in front of me?" Snape moaned. I pulled away.

"Okay, Snape, you and I are an item. Gosh, that sounds wrong."


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone. I've been a tad busy. You know, exams… where I got off a bit depressed, but not because of the exams. As we were, chapter 7.**

**Thanks to Muentiger, mokubahv, , TechNomaNcer28, mahefa and Lee kadivar. And to my beta, SkyeElf, who was flying in bed. (That might sound eerily disgusting, but we were chatting, she was tired and texted me that she was 'flying in bed', oh, everyone, please send out hurtful thoughts to a bastard that I'm nicknaming Chicken – he hurt her.)**

**Chapter 7: Who the hell are you?**

"Yes, it does." Snape agreed. "Now come along, Muffin, the carriage awaits."

Muffin? He wasn't serious, was he? Before I could stop myself, I giggled. Both boys looked at me strangely. I could never use the term 'serious' – ever. Perhaps a synonym for it? No? Damn it. Why couldn't I think of a synonym?

"You call me Muffin again, kiss your balls goodbye."

"My, aren't we sadistic?" Snape said.

"It makes me great in bed, though."

"Really? I'd have to test that theory."

My ears burned scarlet at Moony's words.

"Move along, Cupcake, I've got some… work… to do." Remus shot at Snape.

"Of course, Buttercup." Snape said lightly, moving back through the forest.

"Now suddenly we're deserts?" I asked. He smiled devilishly at me, his arms finding their way around my neck.

"Only if I get to be the topping." He said, pressing his lips to mine. I pushed back, not planning to take this battle lying down. He pushed his body against mine, grinding our hips together.

"This isn't the right setting." I moaned into his mouth.

"I don't care." He murmured, trailing kisses down my jaw.

"I do – I want to make it unforgettable."  
>"We're not jumping to the act." He said, grinding his hips into mine even more. "We're simply… fooling around."<p>

**. . .  
><strong>

Over the next few weeks James grew distant. My newfound partnership (and assumed lovership) with Snape made him envious. Whenever Snape would appear, he just melted off the face of the earth, or courtyard, or classroom…

It seemed things between him and Lily were better too.

Snape and I did absolutely nothing that would make them think we're a couple, friends, yes, they just presumed I was in a deep, passionate relationship with the bloke. To up the stakes Remus had begun to glare and insult Snape. I don't know how long this charade was going to last, but it was worth seeing Jamesie attempt to pull out his hair at the bizarrely constructed relationship.

Our main concern had been for the Slytherins and how they would act towards Snape.

As it turned out, the whole lot of them knew about Remus and I, and they loved the idea of the Gryffindor seeker and keeper (the latter being yours truly) being at war. It upped their chances of winning the house cup. And as long as _Potter _squirmed, they were fine with it, even encouraging the idea.

So, it was really not my own actions that caused dear old Prongsie to think those thoughts, the Slytherins and Remus did.

Not that I minded – the Slytherins covered our backs the whole way through. Saying I was out with Snape when I was snogging Moony on the Astronomy tower.

"Padfoot?" James came up to me. I looked up from a rather interesting book. In all actuality, I had absolutely no idea what the book was about. Remus and I had been having a bit of fun in the library – Remus' idea, something about the smell of books, when we heard him. Remus was currently hiding under the table, hidden by the tablecloth.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Since when do you need permission?" I asked, frowning. "You are my best friend, after all."

"Am I, Sirius?"  
>"Yes, James."<p>

"And Snape?"

"What about him?"

"Isn't he your best friend?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" I mused. "He's helping me study, James. Merlin knows I need it."

"How long is this silly thing going to continue?"

I knew that were I really in a relationship with Snape, I would be seething.

"I don't know, Jamesie, I didn't tell you not to fall for Evans, did I?" I countered.

"You weren't against it, no…" He agreed.

"Exactly. And the minute you decide to stop meddling in my love-life, I'll be back."

"Wait, what?"

"You know." I sneered. Great, now I was channelling Snape. I picked up my bookbag, making to exit the library. I thought of Moony under the table, and returned. James still hadn't left. I sat down, ready for another round of questions.

"And Moony?" He asked.

"What about him?"

"Oh, come on! I've been watching the two for you for years – don't you think I noticed the quirky smiles you gave him?"

It caught me completely off guard.

"Quirky smiles?" I asked, frowning.

"Yes, the smiles that say 'you light up my day'."

"Who knew you could read body language?"

"So you're admitting it?"

"I'm admitting that I'm bisexual. And Remus has a mighty fine sculpted body."

Moony appreciated this; I felt his hand on my thigh.

"And Snape?"

"He's mighty fine too."

Though, in all honesty, he wasn't my type. His hair was the biggest turn-off for me. Not the greasiness, that I have fixed, but the length. Two boys with long black hair was overkill.

"You can't be serious!" He scoffed. I grinned at the book. I loved it when they said that. I opened my mouth to answer, but he beat me to it. "Yes, yes, I know you are, Black!"

I grinned. He grinned back, sitting down next to me. Under the table, Remus scrambled away from him, situating himself firmly between my legs, his back to me.

"I've missed this." He said. "You."

"I've missed you too, James." I said, patting him on the back. "But you're possibly the world's biggest prat."

"I was taught by the universe's biggest prat."

"Ha-ha." I retorted drily.

"And I'm sorry for trying to fix you up with Moony. I should've known better."

"You should, seeing as I'm supposedly your best friend."

"There's no question about it. It was rather stupid of me and Lily."

"So, she was in on it too?"

"Yeah, she was." He admitted. "The dreams were her idea."

"Those were spectacular dreams." I said, smiling.

"What?"

"Give Lily my compliments on her achieved dream spell."

"Okay?"

"Yes."

Snape has remarkable timing, for the next moment he paraded in, his hair un-greasified. He spotted me and waved. I returned his greeting, motioning him to come over.

"Look, I'll accept it, but don't expect me to be nice to him."

"Civil is all I ask."

"Hey, Sirius." Snape greeted us, sitting down at the other end. "Potter."

"Snape."

"Hey, Sev." I smiled. "We still on for tonight?"

"Yes, though I need to ask you to bring the…"

"I'm out of here." James fled.

I snickered, prodding Remus with my foot. He resurfaced, amused.

"Thanks, Severus." He said. Snape grimaced.

"Please don't tell me you were…"

"No!" Both Remus and I yelled. The librarian glared at us.

"Good." He sighed with relief. "Now, what did Potter say?"

"He apologized."

"Does that mean the charade is over?"

"Not quite yet." I smirked. "Revenge is and will always be ice-cream."

"Cold?"

"Exactly. We need to make them suffer – and I've got just the plan to do it…"

. . .

Later Snape and I left the library together. His arms were filled were books, our several projects that were due – he was such a scholar.

"Stop!" I yelled, but to no avail. As we rounded another corner, a girl was too, and he smashed right into her. There was a sickening crunch coming from her as she hit the floor with force. Books were now lying all over the corridor. I started to gather the nearest books, not even thinking about the girl. I completely forgot about her until Snape spoke.

"Are you all right?" The care in his voice surprised me entirely. He was on his heels , bending over her.

"Doh." She answered. I turned around, finding her robes smeared with blood. She was throwing her head back, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I can fix that." He said, gently (surprising me again) taking her hand away. He whipped the air, spoke a spell in a low voice, and a spark could be heard, followed by another sickening crunch.

"Episkey." She cursed herself, almost as if thinking herself stupid. "Should've thought of it. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He said, standing up. He offered her a hand, she was about to take it when she noticed it was bloody from attempting to stop her nosebleed.

"Um…" She started to retract. He rolled his eyes and grabbed it, pulling her up.

I watched as he cleaned her hands and clothes, siphoning it off with his wand.

"I'm Severus Snape."

"Lee Moon." She held out her now clean hand. Now I recognized her. Fifth year, Ravenclaw seeker.

"Sirius Black." I said, extending my own hand. She grinned and shook it.

"I know who you are – Gryffindor keeper."

"Yes, Ravenclaw seeker."

"I would much rather be a chaser, though, but Rennet feels my skills are better fitted to seeker."

"I must say, I agree."

"Are you all right?" Snape cut across our Quidditch-ramblings.

"Oh, yes, thank you, Snape."

"You're welcome, Moon." She helped us pick his books up and offered to help him carry it to the dungeons.

"That way, you and a certain Gryffindor can go… off." She said softly, winking at me.

"How do you know?" I asked, flabbergasted. Snape was trying hard not laugh.

"I'm rather observant." She said.

"You've been watching us."

"I watch everybody."

"And you don't find that creepy?"

"It's a gift, and a curse." She sighed. "I noticed everything. Including your swollen lips, slightly ruffled shirt and the fact that you didn't even notice me."

"How can the latter be suspicious?" I asked.

"Riddle me this, have you even taken a look at me?"

Now that I came to think of it, no. I appraised her. Dark hair that travelled down a slender neck, tied into a neat ponytail, alive green eyes that portrayed intelligence. My eyes travelled down her body. She had a bloody good body – normally it was something I would've noticed. She had an hour glass figure, shapely hips and a medium-sized bust. She was rather well-developed for a fifteen-year-old.

"Now that both of you have finished ogling me." She stated, successfully pulling both Snape and I out of our separate reveries. "He's not as ruffled as you are." She motioned to Snape. "I win."

"Who will you tell?"

"No one. Yet. The Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor match is coming out. I've noticed how unnerved Potter is nowadays. I could use it to my advantage."

"Are you certain you're not a Slytherin?" I asked. She laughed. "I'm certain. I'm a mudblood, you see."

Both Snape and I were taken aback by her choice of words. With that she took Snape's books from me and trooped down the stairs.

"Better go after her." I said to Snape. He nodded; his hands full with the other books.

My idea of revenge grew – and Moon had suddenly become a part of it.

. . .

**A/N: Okay, so for some info on the ultra-saucy scene between Remus and Sirius in the forest, see my ficlet 'Not the right setting'.**

**Any thoughts on a certain Lee Moon? Just so you know, this chapter's un-beta'd.**

**Oh, and any takers on a Sev POV?**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Wow, it took me a while, but it's here at last!**

**Thanks to Muentiger, lucyjoan, RadientWaterfalls, TechoNomaNcer for reviewing.**

**Chapter 8: Snape smiling - what the hell?**

I looked around the corner to make sure she didn't see me. She hasn't yet, that's good. She moved further down the hall, and I sprinted after her, keeping to the shadows.

And then she was gone. I stopped, looking around, baffled. I moved forward, hoping to find her - yet she didn't appear.

''What do you want, Keeper?'' She demanded from behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin - where'd she gone? Where'd she come from?

''What the hell, Seeker?'' I put a hand over my heart, clutching my shirt, attempting to calm it down in it's erratic beating.

''You were the one following me.'' She shrugged, ''It's creepy. What do you want?''

''To talk to you - I'm sure you gathered that.'' I snapped. She smirked.

''And a simple 'Hey, Moon!' wouldn't suffice?'' She retaliated.

''Playing auror was so much more fun!'' I moaned. Moon laughed, shaking her head. She linked her hand through my arm, and we walked further down the hall.

''How can I help, Keeper?'' She asked, ''Let me guess: it has something to do with making my fellow seeker cringe, doesn't it?''

''Yes, how'd you guess?''

''What part of 'notices everything' do you not understand? How else did I know you were following me?''

''I was incredibly loud?'' I guessed. She laughed again as we rounded a corner. We walked straight into my partner in crime, Severus Snape.

''Hey, Cupcake.'' I shot at him. The greasy git rolled his eyes at me, before greeting the seeker.

''Evening, Lee.'' These two were now on a first name basis, something Snape and I would never be on, nor Moon and I, to be honest. Though in retrospect, calling him Cupcake was fun, and Moon was 'Seeker'.

''Hey, Cupcake.'' She smiled carelessly. ''Keeper here was just telling me a way of making Potter nervous even more.''

''I'm hurt, Black, didn't you think to include me?''

I stared. I didn't think Snape had the ability to joke, I was being proved wrong. I grinned.

''By all means, this torture of my best friend includes the two of you.''

Had Moon been drinking anything, I was certain she would've spat on me. Snape, on the other hand, remained calm.

''You're going to make it seem as though I'm cheating on you, aren't you?'' He asked calmly, clapping Moon's back to help her breathe.

''With me?'' Moon asked once she got over the initial start.

''It's perfect!'' I exclaimed.

''With me?'' She repeated.

''Have you got anything against Snape?'' I asked, confused. These two liked each other, didn't they?

''No, no... It's not that...'' She was trying to think of a reason not to date him, I could smell it.

''You're thinking of a lie.'' I said, looking bored at my nails.

She looked at Snape, and back at me. ''No.''

''What have you got against him?'' I asked lazily.

''Nothing, but I'm not going to be dragged into your charade.'' She said, crossing her arms.

''If you do it, I'll do your homework.'' I offered. She scoffed.

''And fail? No thank you.''

''I'll clean your clothes.''

''House elves, Keeper.''

''I'll feed your cat!'' I was growing desperate.

''I don't have a cat.''

''I'll repay you in sexual favours?'' I said finally. She burst out laughing.

''Coming from you, that's rich.'' She laughed.

''I'll be your partner for that Potions project.'' Snape contributed. She hesitated. ''And I'll loan you my copy of Advanced Potion-making.'' She was breaking - but what was so important about his copy of our Potions textbook? ''And I'll tutor you for the remainder of the school year in Potions.''

She broke and nodded.

''You must be incredibly good at Potions for an eagle to want your help.''

''Was that a compliment, Black?'' Snape asked, swiping a hand through his hair.

''I can't believe it, but yes, I just paid you a compliment.'' I swallowed down some vomit that had risen up my throat. ''So, you two need to act all in love, okay?''

Moon sighed, adjusted her bag and walked away from us. Snape made a small wave before he followed her.

From afar I saw him catch up to her, and vaguely wondered what was going on between them.

. . .

_One week ago_

Snape followed her down the hall, forgetting his supposed love-interest, me, at the back.

I have no idea what they did after that, but let's leave me alone and the author goes over to third person in telling you what they did?

Snape hurried after her, a book held in his hands, one he was certain she'd dropped.

''Moon!'' He called after her. She turned around, her hair flying as if in slow-motion, and raised an eyebrow.

''Snape?''

''You dropped this.'' He held out the book to her. She glanced down at it and shook her head.

''No, I didn't. I don't lose stuff - as I said, I notice everything.'' She said, tilting her head to the side, cocky. He glanced down at the book and laughed nervously. Yes, Severus Snape laughed - it was possible, and even Lee Moon was staring at him. She tittered nervously, unnerved by his laughter as much as anyone.

''What?'' He asked, seeing her expression.

''You laughed.'' She said softly.

''And?''

''You don't laugh often. Or at all, to be honest.'' Her eyes avoided him. She was brutally honest, and she knew she'd lost friends because of this. She didn't even have friends in the muggle world - so she was alone most days. She'd tried being friends with a lot of people, but that never worked out well.

''But I just laughed, didn't I? It shows that I do indeed posess the ability to laugh, and smile, and show what can be considered 'happy' emotions.'' He said bitingly, his tone sneering.

''True, you did laugh, but with the morose facial expression you permanently wear, your awful taste in clothing and the fact that you're a Slytherin renders you entirely incapable of laughing at even the silliest jokes!'' She snapped back, her hands on her hips.

''My awful taste in clothing? Have you been paying attention to me, Moon?'' He demanded, his voice echoing through the hall.

''Yes, I pay attention to everyone - are you daft, Snape, seeing as I have now twice told you that I notice everything!'' She huffed, spinning around and making to walk away again.

''True - you do notice it all, but can you make anything of it? You have no people skills, I swear, and you lack the social skills to make friends.'' He counted each point off on his fingers, clapping his hands together lastly.

''Now who's been paying attention, Snape?'' She smirked, putting Lucius' superior smirk to shame.

''I'm not an unintellegent individual as you seem to believe I am, Moon! I know for a fact that my Potions marks are higher than yours.'' He pointed out, crossing his arms.

''And that's one subject. I know that I best you in Transfiguration, Charms, Defense, Herbology, Ancient Runes and everything else!''

He took a step back. Smart girl was angry, his head told him to run, his instincts told him to run - but his heart, the blighter, rooted him to his spot.

''We are head to head in all those subjects, and you know it.'' He retorted, a hand creeping forward and going around her neck.

''And the only reason you are able to best me, is because of this.'' His hand slid down to touch the chain around her neck, bringing it out of her shirt: a time-turner.

''That's because I have more classes than you.'' She tugged it back, putting it underneath her shirt again. His hand was still curled around her neck, and he wondered where his bravery came from all of a sudden. He was no Gryffindor, when faced with fight or flee, he chose the latter, because it was safer.

''You're standing awfully close to me, Snape.'' She said after a while. She was enjoying the heat of his hand on her neck immensely, but this was leading them nowhere. They were just staring at each other.

''Right.'' His hand fell and he stepped away, coughing awkwardly.

''Don't fall in love with me, Snape, I tend to hurt people.'' She said, swinging her bag around, walking away.

Snape stared after her, wondering how on earth he could possibly fall for her, she was so incredibly cocky and she acted as if she knew everything. She should be annoying him endlessly. He was envious of her intellegence.

But she wasn't annoying him. And for one reason only: he saw himself in her.

The following few days, the pair saw one another again, both being early for Potions. He was leaning over his book when she leaned over his shoulder.

''You really are good at Potions, aren't you?'' She whispered. He nodded, not looking around at her. ''I'm so jealous.'' She admitted. This made him look around.

''Really? I thought you were perfect.''

She smacked him over the head with her copy of Advanced Potionmaking.

''And you really are a git.'' She huffed, seating herself against the wall. He leered guiltily before joining her.

''I apologize for hurting your elusive feelings, Moon.'' He joked. ''The thing is, what I truly meant was that you seem perfect to an outsider.''

''Well, I'm not. I'm just as flawed as you are.'' She said, relaxing against the wall.

''Others don't see that. They see Lee Moon as some genius, pretty girl that everyone loves.''

''You think I'm pretty?''

''You hear my speech on what everyone sees and you worry about being pretty?'' He asked in disbelief.

''No, I know what they all think, I'm...''

He cut her off. ''The girl who notices everything, go on?''

She laughed. ''I've just never been told I'm pretty. I mean, I know I'm pretty, but that's besides the point.''

He stared at her. ''You confuse me, Moon.'' He decided, shaking his head. ''Do you have a personality disorder? Because the one moment you're worried about me calling you pretty, the next you say you know you're pretty...''

''Snape, shut up. I'm confusing you, that's what matters.''

''Is you confusing me a good thing?'' He asked, uncertain.

''It's an excellent thing.'' She said, leaving the Slytherin baffled.

Another day passed and she stole his textbook, just for a while until he tickled it out of her. She was incredibly ticklish, and the sight of Snape tickling someone was cause for Remus to stare.

Snape promised her he'd let her see his textbook one day.

. . .

Whilst I remained in the dark on Cupcake and Seeker's newfound friendship, and Snape smiling and tickling people, I did a lot of dramatic things. One night I wept into my pillow about Snape 'not getting me', the other night I stomped into the Common Room, yelling obscenities about my lover, saying he'd been staring 'at some girl'.

James always offered me his shoulder to cry on, while Lily always went off in search of him to curse the living daylights out of him.

It was fun. But all fun comes to an end.

. . .

**A/N: Wow, it took me while, I blame school and a high demanding life. I promise to try and update more, though. Please review!**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: A short chapter, I know, but I found it fun.**

**For Pheonix Autumn and Guest.**

**Chapter 10: What the hell is she?**

I was striding down the hallway at my own leisure pace when I saw it. Snape and Moon, Cupcake and Seeker, playing tag.

Now, I'm as careless as the next person, even more, but this just wasn't normal. Lee Moon, in all but the declared sense, was Lily's enemy, because Lee Moon was smart and she had this image of perfection. She was smart and pretty, but had a childish streak (I mean, they were playing tag), but she kept to herself.

Severus Snape was a morbid person, always looking for the black in anything, the perfect scholar, never late and never behind.

Moon and Lily still got along, but I always detected animosity coming from Lily.

There was no doubt we had a strong group in a schoolyear, we are a strong generation. We had Lily, Snape, Moon and Moony, a bunch of smart alecs, and all of them rolled into one disturbing situation.

Lily came up next to me, grinning.

"I think he's coming out." She said, nodding to them. "She's good for him."

I started to nod, until I realised I was supposed to be mad.

"I'm good for him too, Evans," I said lazily, hooking eyes with Snape briefly, but he continued his charade.

"I've seen them together a lot." She said carefully.

"Study partners." I waved it off.

"That hold hands?" She scoffed.

"You and Moony used to hold hands too." I pointed out, speaking about the time he confided to her about his furry little problem. She nodded, seeing my point.

"But I didn't stare lovingly into his eyes, did I?" Her grin slipped as Snape caughts Moon in his arms and the pair laughed.

I turned to her, one eyebrow raised.

"You have feelings for Snape." I stated. She blushed, and I knew I was right. I was furious!

"I did, but he called me a mudblood." She said, "And I have James now."

"Sure, Lily, keep telling yourself that." I rolled my eyes, annoyed, "But if you hurt James, Evans, I swear I'll tell Snape, and he will mock the living daylights out of you."

She paled, "You wouldn't." Her eyes were huge at this point.

"Wouldn't I? And if you think Snape is not that kind of guy," Even if he wasn't, I had make the threat viable somehow, "then you don't know him as well as you like to think."

I stalked away, cornering the least two favourite people in my world. They jumped apart, "surprised".

"Come on, you two, you're making it way too obvious." I snapped. My mood was soured.

"And you just found something out that saddened you beyond belief, and you're taking it out on Sev. And me." She added quicly, "So, sir, go stomp on someone else's toes, Remus' perhaps, and let us be." Moon crossed her arms, stomped on my foot and strode away, her ponytail slapping me in the face. Snape chuckled, tucking a hair behind my ear before bursting out into full out laughter.

I couldn't help it, I burst into laughter myself, shaking my head and walking away.

This charade had to end, and soon, a blind mouse could see Snape had fallen for Moon, and she would never admit it, but she'd fallen for him too. Lily would just have to get over it.

A pair of strong arms circled my waist in bed that night, a mouth was on mine before I could make a sound. I recognized the sweet lips, the heavenly body pressed to mine couldn't just belong to anyone.

I grinned into the kiss, casting a Silent Charm.

"You saw them too?" He asked softly. I nodded in the darkness, drawing him closer to me. "We need this to end, Snape's never been so happy."

It was true, Cupcake had never been that happy. I smiled at the ceiling, touched by my own care.

"And Moon, I can't believe she's made a friend." He went on.

Moony's hands were all over my body, and this would be a dangerous situation soon.

Shoo! This isn't for your eyes anymore! Go see what Cupcake and Seeker are doing while I indulge in - Moony, what a skilled tongue you have! - Moony's numerous skills.

. . .

Lee was sitting on the castle's front steps. It was nightfall, but she couldn't exactly go inside, nor did she care if she was caught. Not that she would be, she was invisible at night to most.

She relaxed her muscles, taking off the cloak that made up her uniform. It hid her secret.

A pair of dark wings made themselves known in the night, coming from her back and two slits in her shirt. She always tried to keep them folded tightly, but they were cramping, hurt from confinement.

Lee Moon was, as you full well know, not a normal person, but her wings and ability to notice everything was simply the start. She stood up, flapped her wings and took off into the night sky, ready.

She was one of many fates, and she'd been dealt the card that many hated and feared.

Death.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


End file.
